When I Grow Up....

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans‬ ‭8:28‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Ballerina Noir by Kevin Williams

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“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

The never ending frustrating question we ask kids as soon as they enter elementary school and onward.

While there is nothing wrong with stirring dreams in children, I do find it really heavy that we constantly ask this question throughout that child’s life. We ask with the intention of them already knowing, not from a place of creating dreamers who see opportunities and possibilities.

This question sometimes feel like a cage more than an open door for conversation. Don’t feel bad if you find yourself asking someone this question, I am guilty too.

But let’s change the conversation.

Why change the question?

Let me be honest….

I never knew what I wanted to be, even now

.

When asked this question, I have always either responded with the first thing that came to mind or with whatever sounded good to the person who asked.

Now, at the age of 26, I’m looking over my life and I’m wondering “who do I want to become?”

My life has been a roller coaster of pleasing others. Consequently, I have wasted a lot of time adapting to what others thought I should be and have lost who I am along the way.

However, It’s not their fault that I lost myself, it’s mine. The truth is we may not know what we want to be when we “grow up” (gasps dramatically) and that’s okay.

Let’s take a moment to be honest with ourselves.

The only person you need to live for is God. The great news is God already has a purpose and plan for your life and if we follow his way, we will begin to blossom into who we are meant to be.

Also, more good news...literally everything in our life works together for our good. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but your experiences and life story work together for your good if you surrender to God. Yep. that’s the missing piece in a lot of our lives. Keep reading to see what I mean.

Quick story about me:

When I was younger (maybe 7 or 8) I wanted to be a ballerina. I desperately wanted to dance and honestly had zero rhythm in my body, so as I got older I realized the chances of me becoming a ballerina were slim to none, so when I became a teenager I wanted to be a teacher because it “just made sense”. I was “smart” and I would enjoy playing school with my friend and her younger cousins.

By the time High school came to an end I accepted the truth that I didn’t really want to be a teacher on the basis that it “ just seem to make sense”. I wanted to be passionate about what I did and my heart was not passionate nor pulled towards teaching.

In my senior year of high school my friends and I decided to get more involved at school (lol I know such a late time to get involved)

I did something bold, and looking back not sure why I did this but it opened doors in my heart that even now makes me feel alive …, I auditioned for a school play; with no actual hopes of getting a call back. I was just happy to be on stage.

But, to my surprise I got a call back and that play became the first of many plays I acted in.

I’m so thankful for this open door because for the first time in my life I knew without a doubt I wanted to act.

When I started college , I became heavily involved in many on-campus groups, organizations, and student life but I had a hard time choosing a major.

I wanted to choose theater but I knew my dad would disapprove. My dad thought acting would mean not finding a secure job and being broke. So as a person who struggled with people pleasing I obliged and went a route I knew would make my dad proud. I went into nursing. (Haha omg writing that down is so funny.)

In high school, I was a dual seal student which allowed me to dabble in the medical field (CNA specifically). For this reason, and because my mom and aunt were both somewhat involved in the medical field, I thought it would be a great idea to pursue something medical myself.

However, I knew deep down inside I was taking the wrong path but I signed up for the pre-nursing track anyways. Long story short I pretty much failed my first semester in college because I didn’t understand the content and because I was not passionate about the content.

I was sad because I knew I wanted to help people but nursing was not for me.

Fast forward…. It’s my junior year in college and by now I had changed my major about 3-4 times and each major was in the science field (this was me still trying to please my dad).

I felt so lost and unsure of myself.

Why was I in college? What did I want out of my life? Who was I?

The pressure to graduate and be the first in my household was heavy , and the pressure to be successful was even heavier.

I’m now learning that success in the world eyes is much different than success in God’s eyes. Success to God is obeying him.

Frankly, I was not obeying God because I was too busy trying to please people. If I did it God’s way I am certain I would have been less stressed in college.

One day, my advisor told me about a program that would allow me to take classes I like and still graduate in a timely manner (I was behind in graduating due to changing my major so much)

At that moment, I knew I had to make a decision and I trusted my advisor’s advice so I completed my paperwork with her to graduate as a Liberal studies major with a minor in English and concentration in Theater (haha I added theater in there last so my dad wouldn’t be too mad).

I was finally at peace.

At this point my dad was just happy that I was graduating, so he congratulated me but also let me know he expects more.

After I graduated, I took a few months to find a job, but in that time God eventually led me back to school.

But this time around the major I needed was already in place so I didn’t have to jump from major to major hoping something would click plus a graduate assistantship was already lined up if I got accepted.

And thankfully, I was accepted into my masters program.

….And I loved it!

The experience was much different than undergrad and for once I saw myself flourishing and thriving in things I didn’t know I cared about.

That’s what happens when you let God lead you and not people.

There is a grace that follows you and equips you when you’re obedient to God.

Present day: I write to you to inspire you to learn who you are first and foremost in God, then allow him to lead you to many places and seasons in your journey. Secondly, what are you truly passionate about? (outside of what your family or peers say, even if it doesn’t bring

much income).

Lastly, how does who you are in God, what God has told you to do, and what you’re passionate about all come together?

There are clues in your life that point to what you should be doing and each season may unveil another clue, but the most important thing is knowing who you are in God and who he is to you, so when those new seasons or pit stops come you can be ready to listen and obey.

Obedience to God takes you to levels of purpose that no person, no amount of money, and no skills can take you.

SO who do you want to be?

Honestly,now, my answer is I want to be who God called me to be, I want to live a life that creates a legacy that echoes long after I’m gone and I want to know that I lived a successfully obedient life; whatever that may look like.

Take the pressure off yourself trying to live for people who don’t know the magnitude of what God has put inside of you.

People are fickle so if you live trying to please them you will have to live the rest of your life working to keep them pleased and that’s a tiresome, draining, and uneventful life to live. However, living for God brings peace, joy, and a sense of purpose that is so much bigger than just you (your life is not just about you but those you were called to impact as well).

Today, I write to you as someone who doesn’t have a title to call herself, who has no idea what the next five years of her life would look like, who doesn’t have a plan B if plan A doesn’t work, who has no idea where she is going from this season.

But she has become sound and sure of the God she serves and she knows that he doesn’t waste anything and that all is well if she trusts HIM.

God has always come through for me, he has not failed me , even in my uncertainty and pain I know it will work for my good.

The moral of this story is, some of you have no idea what you want to do in life and that’s okay. You know you are passionate about some things but you have lived your life waiting on the approval of people which causes you to feel lost and stuck.

I want to challenge you to sever the ties and expectations of others off your life. They didn’t create you nor can those people live for you. I want to challenge you to take some time to get to know who you really are; not based on what you can do,but who you are.

I have learned that I am a child of God, yaye! Super cool right! I had to stop looking at what others were doing , I had to stop comparing myself (especially to people on Instagram) , and I had to stop doubting the love of God in my life.

God is big enough to cover every single person in this world. He has a plan for each of us; a plan to prosper us and not harm us (that doesn’t mean we don't experience pain and hurt in this life).

We have a choice . God is not forcing us to trust him, but I have learned that trusting him is so much better than trusting myself or other people.

If you need help with where you are in your life right now and you’re not sure how to pray, let’s try this (feel free to use your own words):

Dear God, I am having a hard time with life and there is so much going on that I am not sure what to think or believe, but I come to you today first giving you thanks for ordering my steps. I’m not really sure what’s in store for me but I pray you have your way. I pray you help me to know your way so that I can follow you. I want to trust that there is a good life available for me, can you help me in my unbelief?. Also, I don’t want to compare myself to others but I want to be excited for their victories, please forgive me. Lastly God, I no longer want to follow the way of the world, or of people, but I want to follow you. Will you take me by the hand and lead me in the way I should go, for your glory. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

PS.. My cousin told me she read a quote that said something along these lines , "Don't ask kids what they want to be when they grow up, ask them what problems they want to solve." (Author maybe Jaime Casap)

That's powerful, because the thing(s) they want to change or solve gives hints to what God has called them to do in this earth.

Sincerely, T'keyah